Reduced Sex Drive
I have been looking for someone to help me with this. I am married and have a 3 yr old son. A year ago I had an affair with a colleague of mine. My husband
found out about it and I made a choice to stay married. The other person
involved is also married. I have since quit my job. I used to be partner with a
management firm. It has been 6 months now and I dont feel like my usual self. I
feel faded, useless and like a failure. I lead an active life otherwise: I
exercise daily and spend time with my son, all the usual stuff. In fact its a
full day. But to me it feels like one day is running into another. Kinda
blurred.
I don't like sex with my husband anymore. The times that we do try I have to
force myself to respond somewhat. Sex is becoming painful for me. And I am never in the mood for it. Sometimes when my husband is making love to me I feel
irritated/angry. I feel like pushing him away. He has a premature ejaculation
problem. I can't bear kissing him or any form of touch except a hug. I am happy
to be with him as long as we are doing something. The moment it comes to sex I
just get tense and hate the idea. My husband has gotten upset with me over this.
I dont know what to do.
The second issue is that my husband and I do not have a social life. I have no
friends in the city that we live, except a few from my earlier job. However, my
husband is not comfortable meeting with them. On the other hand, my husband has
lived in this city almost all of his growing up years, so he has many friends.
We still don't socialise whatsoever. And I am bored. There is no one to talk to.
My husband likes going to clubs. I do too. But nowadays I keep saying no. I
really dont have much to say to him except the usual things like talking about
his businesses, our son, the house, our families and books and movies. Safe
topics. I feel alone.
I feel closed in. I am writing to you because I can't seek direct professional
help. The one time I did try he wanted to know all the details of what I had
discussed. Somehow that seemed very intrusive.
I cannot imagine living the rest of my life like this. I can't talk to him about
any of this as I am not comfortable. Sometimes I wish I hadn't gotten married.
Or that I hadnt screwed up. But the truth is that I had been unhappy even before
the affair. Its only been 4 years since we've been married. He's a great guy,
caring and all of that but he's more like a best friend than a lover.
I am tired of my existence. I feel like I am living with all my potential being
wasted. Its like I am trapped in this marriage and this role of being a dutiful
wife.
RESPONSE
For the first bit i would say that you're feeling guilty about the affair. you made a mistake and its not time to let go.
As for the social life. all my friends have gone away to uni and i stayed in the area. i only have 1 friend left where i am and the others only come back at easter, christmas and summer. a few of my boyfriends friends are still around though. instead of going out seperately we go out together. i have got to know his friends better, although the conversations about anal sex etc are still pretty uncomfortable. maybe you should be going out with your husband. get to know his friends and over time you might find that you form a close friendship with one or more of them. if you get to know them it wont feel difficult when you meet up with them. just because your husband is there, doesnt mean that you have to be with him 24/7
I think that if you are having all these problems on your life and you canīt deal with them.. you should get some professional help.. it would help you, indepedent of your husband opinion.
Take care,
"Swingerlover"
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