Too nervous to enjoy sex
During attempts at sex with boys, I am too tense
and nervous to be penetrated.
How can I relax and enjoy sex?
I am still a virgin, as I have not been able to have intercourse, due to my
nervousness.
We don’t know how old you are, but we do hope that when you finally have
intercourse you will practice safe sex.
Don’t let anybody penetrate you unless you are
protected against pregnancy.
We think that at the moment you probably have a condition known as vaginismus
– where nervous tension and anxiety cause the powerful muscles surrounding
your vagina to contract strongly – making penile penetration impossible.
This condition is not at all uncommon in young women. We are very glad that you
have had the courage to contact us for advice and help. Part of the problem is
that as a virgin, you are inexperienced and may have all sorts of fearful
thoughts about sex.
For instance, some women may feel a sense of guilt regarding sexual activity, as
a result of their upbringing. Also, they may feel very nervous about the risk of
unwanted pregnancy. Some females have been brought up to believe sex is dirty,
or that a woman is being ‘used’ by a man in some way.
Also, there are women develop vaginismus as a result of physical or sexual abuse
in the past – though it doesn’t sound as if this applies to you.
Our advice is to make sure you feel really ready to start a sexual relationship
and that you are not being coerced. Then ensure that the situation and
environment is conducive to proper relaxation and that you and your partner are
unlikely to be disturbed or interrupted. Try a warm bath, some gentle music and
a massage as part of extended foreplay. Never rush love-making, as your muscles
and natural secretions need time to get ready for enjoyable sex.
Exploration of the vagina with your own or your partner's fingers may help to
reassure you that intercourse will not be painful, and lubrication with K-Y
Jelly or an equivalent certainly helps.
If things don’t improve, go to a Family Planning Clinic, Youth Advisory
Clinic, or Brook Centre for Young People. All these organisations have
specially-trained female doctors who spend quite a large part of their time
teaching women to relax their vaginas!
You can and you will overcome your problem.
Yours sincerely
The Medical Team
This Banner Space is Available ($5.00/Month)